The only person that wanted me for who I am is the Police
The Tiny humans Stole my Sanity
There is no "I" in CU*T but There is a "U"
Daddy The Man The Myth *The Legend*
I'm not Funny I'm just Mean and you think i'm Joking
Look at Me being all Festive and Sh*t
I may be Crazy but Crazy is Far better than Stupid
Ice Cream Cone Skull
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn't be fair to all the skinny people
Busier than a Cucumber in a women's Prison
I think i'm approaching my "Best if used By" date
This is Bob. Bob has no Arms. "Knock Knock" " Who's there" It isn't Bob
Daddysaurus Rex
Best Buckin' PaPa Ever
It's not a Dad bod it's a Father Figure
I am not the nice Sister I'll Fight ya
F.O.C.U.S F*CK OFF C*NT UR STOOPID
My level of Sarcasm has gotten to where I don't even know if i'm kidding or not
My wife says I only have two faults I don't listen and something else
Remember if we get caught You're Deaf and I don't speak english
It's not a Dad bod It's a Father Figure
Dad Joke Loading
Just a dad who always came back with the Milk
Life is like a Toilet There's always an As*hole trying to Sh*t on your day
Pop Eye Tribute 420
Oh I Pissed you Off Suck it up Buttercup I'm a cranky old woman It's what I Do
I hate it when I have to be nice to someone I really want to throw a brick at
I don't have Arthritis I have early onset Rigor Mortis
Ho Ho Holy Sh*t what a year Santa
F*ck it Mandala
Im offended by my bills, can we cancel them? Isn't that how it works now?
I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk
